Life is good

“I think happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy,” she said.

And even when describing a string of medical conditions that have at times proven to be immensely difficult, Ellsworth is able to find the humor in a situation and remain positive about the future.

Ellsworth has dealt with more than her share of medical setbacks, including open-heart surgery as a child and several recurrences of cancer.

She is currently working with a team of doctors at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester to battle a return of cancer in the lymph nodes around her neck. In January, Ellsworth will return to Rochester for her sixth cancer surgery since the original diagnosis in 2003.

She has also undergone alcohol ablation treatments to the cancerous spots. Doctors likened the cancer to dandelions, spreading their seeds in other nearby areas. This has resulted in the recurrences and multiple surgeries.

At the age of 5 in 1961, Ellsworth received one of the first open-heart surgeries at the Mayo Clinic. It was necessary due to a congenital heart defect with which she was born called Tetrology of Fallot. Doctors patched a hole in one of her ventricles, opened the tricuspid valve and rebuilt the aorta.

“I couldn’t run and play and do all the things like the other kids until I had my open-heart surgery,” Ellsworth recalled. “After that, they told my parents to let this little person loose,” she said. “After that, you live life with so much gusto and you just want to do everything.”

Ellsworth’s heart is now functioning at 75 percent of the average human heart, she explained, due to a moderate leak in a valve.

And later in life, when she was ready to have children, doctors again wanted to protect her from potential complications that she would face in that process. But she felt being a mother was important, so she persevered.

These, along with other medical setbacks, have taken their toll on her health, and at times, her emotions. But Ellsworth has found maintaining the right frame of mind is paramount to her well being.

Coping mechanisms

For Ellsworth, much of her strength comes from family, especially husband Keith Ellsworth, daughter Amy Mortenson and grandson Ethan.

In a recent update letter Ellsworth penned for friends and relatives, Ellsworth described the comfort she gets from Keith’s unwavering support as she travels for medical appointments out of town.

“I am very thankful for my loving husband, who is my guardian angel in many ways,” she wrote.

Ellsworth said he advises her to “do a little, rest a little” and paces her as she moves through a busy life.

“My daughter Amy is my greatest blessing and my best friend,” she said. “She’s brought so much joy to my life.”

Now, she calls her 14-month-old grandson Ethan the “sunshine of my life.” She watches Ethan two days a week and feels like she is reliving her childhood through time spent playing with him.

“I can be the little child that I couldn’t be when I was little,” she said of the dancing, games and general silliness she enjoys with Ethan.

“They’re like two little peas in a pod,” agrees Mortenson.

Ethan helps keep Ellsworth feeling positive, as well as helps her relive her youth.

“When I was young, I really felt old,” Ellsworth said. “And I believe that when I’m old I’m going to feel young.”

“Grandkids are the best medicine,” she said.

Ellsworth said she gets her family-centered nature from her parents. There was always room for more family and friends at their table, she said, and they felt the importance of helping others and being around those they loved.

Faith has been a large part of Ellsworth’s journey. But she said she doesn’t just believe in one religion, as multiple religions have resonated at different points in her life.

“For some people just laying out fishing and having a beautiful morning on the lake can be very spiritual,” she said. “For me, my spirituality comes from nature.”

Ellsworth also reads devotions and uplifting stories, which include positive messages.

“I think God uses me because when I can be real, other people can be real,” she said.

Part of the healing process, both mentally and physically, she said, is accepting the diagnosis, and asking the medical professionals about the next step.

“You allow yourself to feel those down times. You don’t dwell on it, but acknowledge it and go on,” Mortenson reflected.

Ellsworth calls a negative medical diagnosis a “pink elephant in the room,” something everyone skirts around and tries not to address.

“For me to tell my family I have cancer again, that’s the hardest thing,” she said. But ripping off that bandage quickly is an important part of moving forward. “Let’s talk about it and get on.”

Ellsworth agreed that there is power in positive thinking.

“You learn to start acknowledging that everything doesn’t happen the way we want it to,” she said. “But having faith that God has a plan and learning to turn off noise in your head as far as the negative chatter and stopping when you get in those patterns … saying, ‘No, I don’t have to think that way.’ … I need to save my energy for other things.”

One of the ways in which Ellsworth has been able to deal with the challenges in her life has been through programs provided at Northland Counseling. She has taken programs on depression, creative visualization and coping with pain. Being involved in these and other groups has provided support.

Planning something to look forward to is another way in which she has remained positive. These include trips out of town with family and friends and other milestones that she can think about when negativity begins to weigh heavily.

“If you can learn to laugh at yourself it’s the best thing you can do,” she said.

Maintaining a sense of humor has been a way to remain positive. “You break the ice,” she said.

“It’s a lot of wasted time to put energy into negative things,” she said.

So instead, she fills her mind, and her day, with hobbies, time spent with Ethan and other family, and things she enjoys.

Words of wisdom

Ellsworth has three books she said have helped her cope with the obstacles that have come before her and handle the phases in her life. “The Little Book of Letting Go” by Hugh Prather, “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay and “Keys to Loving Relationships” by Gary Smalley have all made their impact.

Prather’s book helped her deal with retiring from a career she loved due to chronic illness and pain.

She was a nurse, social services director and fundraising director at the Good Samaritan Center. She began her career at the center at the age of 18. “I just loved what I did,” she said.

“I had 31 years in a career that I intensely loved,” she said. “It was a big part of my social life. And I had family members that were living there. Letting go of that was really, really hard because I loved it and I was very good at it.”

She also had to make modifications in the outdoor activities in which she was able to participate. She used to enjoy cross country skiing and hiking; she now walks at a more comfortable pace and snaps photographs of the outdoors.

She said it took her two years after leaving her job to “let go” of work, relax and enjoy the time she now had for other endeavors.

“I wanted to be superhuman. But I had to learn to forgive myself, that I couldn’t do it all. And once you forgive yourself and let that all go, it’s amazing how much more energy you do have.”

Hay’s book has helped her change negative dialogue in her own mind and rethink the way she perceives a situation. Instead of focusing on the negatives in life, she instead chooses to give her attention to the positives.

“Louise Hay teaches you how to use positive affirmations, to change things from ‘I can’t.’ It helps you change your thinking, get rid of that negative chatter,” Ellsworth said. “I can change my thoughts that, ‘Sure, this is difficult, but I can handle it.’”

And although her family has been a great support system, Ellsworth has found nurturing those relationships to be important as well. While a mother and wife may not be used to leaning on husbands, children and friends for assistance, Ellsworth has found that letting people help and working together in different ways at different points in her life has allowed her to make it through challenges. These are lessons she has learned in the Smalley book.

“I didn’t have to be so tough, I didn’t have to be so strong. She was a soft place to fall for me,” Ellsworth said of her daughter.

Ellsworth has learned, she said, to allow other people to take care of her in ways they are able and for Ellsworth to take care of others as she is able.

“She’s definitely a caregiver. She wants to make sure everybody else is going good,” Mortenson said. “She’s doing very well at taking care of herself, too.”

She likens life to a journey in a paddleboat. If she lets others into the boat to help row and bail water, the trip will be that much easier – and much more fun.

And Ellsworth said realizing that everyone is differently able, and finding creative ways to do tasks when ability levels are reached, has helped her relieve pressure she puts on herself.

Ellsworth seems to have a positive reflection for most anything that life can throw at a person. And much of that wisdom has been shared with her daughter. When asked what Ellsworth’s greatest advice has been, Mortenson began crying as she looked at her mom.

“I think it’s more in her actions. She feels things more deeply than anybody. I’m just so very proud of her,” Mortenson said.

“She’s a very giving and a very loving person. She’s a trooper. She’s gone through a lot and keeps chugging along.”

For Ellsworth, life is indeed good.

“I have no regrets. It is what it is. And I’m just excited for all the new things to happen,” she beamed.