Missing Bidal

While the International Falls native has a 4-month-old daughter, it isn’t a crying baby keeping her awake at night. It’s the worry about her husband, Cpl. Bidal Duran, who has been stationed with the U.S. Marine Corps in Sangin, Afghanistan, since September.

“I maybe get to talk to him once every two weeks,” said Duran, known formerly as Becky Stiles.

Sangin is a highly dangerous combat zone and Duran says she will continue to worry until Bidal returns home in April.

Even though Duran knew being a military wife would be tough, she claims nothing could prepare her for the challenges she’s faced while Bidal is away.

Finding love

Duran and Bidal met in 2007 while attending Bemidji State University. The pair had an on-and-off relationship during the first year they dated, but shortly after Bidal enlisted with the Marines in July 2007, the couple were inseparable.

“That December, I think we talked 10 times a day,” a grinning Duran said.

In February 2008, while visiting with Bidal’s family in California, Duran said Bidal kept questioning what her family would do if she came home engaged.

“I told him my mom would probably have a cow,” Duran said with a laugh. “My family hadn’t met him, yet.”

Despite Duran’s fabricated warning, Bidal proposed and a newly engaged Duran returned home to International Falls the following day with the news.

“She had a cow,” Duran laughed of her mother’s reaction.

Life together

Bidal’s first deployment was scheduled for January 2009. He would be stationed on a ship, which wasn’t considered to be a threatening mission. Before deploying, he was stationed at Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton in California. In order for a couple to live together on base, they were required to be married.

Duran and Bidal wed before a small group of family and friends on the shore of Lake Bemidji in April 2008 — only two months after Bidal proposed.

“We wanted to get married that September and have the big white church wedding, but the Marine Corps wouldn’t approve leave time for Bidal,” Duran explained.

Duran said the couple decided it was “now or never. 

“He flew to Minnesota on a Thursday night, we got married that Saturday, and he flew back out to California on Sunday afternoon.”

Bidal deployed in January and returned that August. On Sept. 19, 2009, the Durans renewed their vows in a traditional marriage ceremony before friends and family in the Falls.

“It was a beautiful, perfect day,” Duran said smiling.

Expanding the family

In January 2010, the couple decided they were ready to expand their family. Bidal wasn’t scheduled to deploy again until October, and the pair felt it was a perfect time to get pregnant.

Not long after they began trying for a baby, Bidal received word he would be stationed in Afghanistan.

“Right away, we stopped trying,” Duran explained. “I didn’t want to be pregnant while worrying about him in such a dangerous place.”

Nature had a different idea.

On March 2, only a short time after the couple agreed to hold off trying for a baby, Duran found out she was pregnant.

“We were excited, but it was definitely a shock,” she said. “When I found out, I just started crying; but I didn’t know if it was a good or bad cry.”

Duran was due in October, and her fingers were crossed that their baby would arrive before Bidal left for Afghanistan.

Little to no warning struck again, and Bidal was informed his battalion would be leaving in September.

“We both took it pretty hard,” Duran said. “He tried to leave with another group, but the military wouldn’t let him.”

Bidal deployed Sept. 21 and Alejandra Carmen Duran was born Oct. 25.

The couple chose the name for their daughter before Bidal left. Alejandra, Ali for short, is a Hispanic name and Bidal is part Mexican. Carmen was the name of Bidal’s late grandmother.

“She was just beautiful,” Duran said of the first time she saw her daughter.

When babies are born to military fathers who are overseas, an American Red Cross message is sent out letting them know their child arrived. Duran sent Bidal a Red Cross message, but he never received it.

“Luckily, that day, he found out through an e-mail sent to his squad leader from my friend, Ashley Chambers,” Duran said.

The new father was able to call shortly after Ali’s birth, but only for five minutes.

“I was bawling and he was smoking a cigar to celebrate,” Duran said with a smile.

Waiting for Bidal

While Duran is surrounded by family and friends who she says are a great support while Bidal is away, she is extremely anxious for her husband’s return in April.

“I look forward to always knowing he is safe,” she said.

Since Bidal left, Duran has never been so afraid of the doorbell ringing. In the event something were to happen to a soldier, a chaplain informs the family by coming to their home.

As tears welled in her eyes, Duran remembered when Ali was only days old and she was alarmed by her doorbell.

“I couldn’t answer the door, I was too scared,” she said.

Fearing the worst, Duran finally mustered the courage to open the door to find out it had been the mail carrier delivering a package.

“Even though he’d already left, I cursed and cursed that mailman,” Duran laughed.

Shortly after, Duran decided to return to International Falls to stay with family while Bidal was gone.

Staying positive

Duran said putting a smile on her face everyday for everyone else is difficult.

“The hardest thing to do is stay positive,” Duran said. “When I get to talk to him, I have to constantly remind myself not to vent to him about my frustrations and bad days, because all of my problems are a piece of cake compared to what he is going through and dealing with. I know I have to be strong for him and Ali. Although sometimes when Ali cries, I cry, too.”

Skype, a software application that allows users to make voice calls over the Internet, has become Duran’s favorite program. In January, she was able to Skype with Bidal, who finally got to see more than just a photo of Alejandra, who Duran says is the spitting image of her father.

“He was so excited,” Duran said of Bidal’s first live glimpse of his daughter. “He was just beaming.”

Duran said there is nothing like the feeling of having a text from Bidal saying he can meet her on Skype. She described the few minutes before seeing her husband as a mad scramble — usually in the wee hours of the morning.

“I quick brush my hair so I look halfway decent for him,” she said blushing.

Duran has only missed contact from Bidal once in the six months he’s been gone.

“The next time I was able to talk to him, he said I only missed about a five minute conversation, but every five minutes counts,” she sighed. “Sometimes all I get every two weeks is a ‘Hi, I love you, bye.’”

The future

Once Bidal returns, Duran is nervous about how daily routine will flow, especially since she has been in control for so long. Yet, she is able to laugh about other worries on her list, including what Alejandra will wear when she finally meets the most important man in her life.

“Should she wear red, white and blue? Do I put her in a dress?” Duran laughed. “I’ve really been thinking about these things.”

Nonetheless, when Bidal does return back to California in April, the couple plan to make their home in Bemidji once his four-year military contract ends in July. Duran said Bidal will focus on finishing his degree in criminal justice at BSU.

“I can’t wait for us all to finally be together as a family,” Duran said.