To good not to share.

has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols

to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are

prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon

be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology

professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields

at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood

producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,

whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted

and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range

chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a

chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher

fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers

that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he

said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much

they wouldn't give any milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals

near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive

them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an

Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of

drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,

though." When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border,

often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.

Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing

re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic

beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of

crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus

trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a

half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration

authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed

senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to

prove they were alive in the '50s.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show,

we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are

creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan

Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian

economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many

art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada ,

Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged

that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals.

A source close to Cheney said, "We're going to have some Peter, Paul &

Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage

stamps.

The President is determined to reach out." he said